I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize