ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
