well I can't set my house on fire every night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
