just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
