I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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