just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
