you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
