my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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