saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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