She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
