its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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