I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
