eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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