google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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