What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
