I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
