Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
