I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
