Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
