apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
