i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
