I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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