Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
