When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
