her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
