I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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