My room smells like vodka and shame
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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