If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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