how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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