I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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