nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
