So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
