you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize