She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
