Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
