Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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