im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
