it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
