im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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