I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wow bdsm is so cute
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
