i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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