First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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