I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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