if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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