We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
