I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
