Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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