Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
