Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
honey bunches of taint.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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