I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently you make a good broom.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
