he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
