Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
