The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
