i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
