if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
