u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
