Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
