You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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