I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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