hotel room ftw
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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