but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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