Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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