He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize