My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize