I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize