I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
