I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
