I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Less talking, more tequila
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
