Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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