i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
