tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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