ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
