the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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