just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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