highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
