honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He passed out mid-signature
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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