yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
