I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
