i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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