you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
