you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize