Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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