my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
