I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
