Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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