My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
