It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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