I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
