party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
