i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
