Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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