Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
