I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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