5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
