I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
