Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We left the knife in your bed.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
