I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
