Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
