I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
