he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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