The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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