omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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