oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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