I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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