Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize