First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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