that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
