Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I want is dick and wine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
